This Light of Mine

Hebrews 10:1 ~ The law is only a shadow of the good things that are coming—not the realities themselves.

Hebrews 10:9-10 ~ Then he [Christ] said, “Here I am, I have come to do your will.” He sets aside the first to establish the second. And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.

            I arose much earlier than usual today in order to keep a pre-dawn appointment. I had a vague recollection of a dream in which I was walking through a bleak, midwinter forest. The sky was dark grey, and the trees stood like stark, giant black twigs in shallow snow. I was apparently meditating comfortably unaffected by the cold. I don’t recall what I was praying about, but I clearly remember speaking aloud as something like an epiphany came to me. “My salvation and holiness are present realities!” I said. “The Kingdom is here and now. In and through me and other Christians.”

            Honestly, I don’t know that the dream was anything like “Jacob’s ladder” or the dreams of old men predicted by Joel. In fact, my proclamation was nothing new to me. I’ve believed it for longer than I can remember. Nevertheless, I understand that dreams are an expression of one’s subconscious mind. Even when dreams seem strange or silly, the emotions experienced are real.

            As I walked through the cold, dreary, fruitless woodland I was warm and able to see things clearly. I felt alone, but not isolated. I felt faithful but ineffectual. I took comfort in the silence and felt the words coming out of my mouth as easily as my breath. It occurs to me now that I reflect upon it, that I was the source of the dim light in the woods.

            I can’t claim any affinity with Christ’s proclamation described above, other than to say that I walk through my days saying, with less conviction and light than my Lord, “Here I am, I have come to do your will.” I understand that His sacrifice and gift of the Spirit makes me able. As a pastor leading my Lord’s flock through the wilderness of COVID-19 and its consequences, I often feel the weight of the darkness and the bareness of the trees.

            I’ve been writing these devotions every Wednesday since the pandemic began to dramatically alter our lives. I’d hoped to provide a little light amid the wilderness. This morning I realized that I am doing His will to the best of my ability with the aid of His Spirit. I cannot make His sheep come to my light any more than leading a horse to water will cause it to drink. Neither can I make His sheep open their shutters and let their light shine. I can only carry His light in me and serve the Lord for the sake of my relationship with Him.

            What can you do for the sake of your relationship with Christ? Is He your King? Will you walk confidently through barren darkness, if only to be his holy vessel where you are?