Over the Hill?

Dozens of people go to Him [God] to be cured of some one particular sin which they are ashamed of (like cowardice) or which is obviously spoiling daily life (like bad temper). Well, He will cure it all right: but He will not stop there. That may be all you asked; but if once you call Him in, He will give you the full treatment.." - C.S. Lewis “Mere Christianity” 

Today is my 60th birthday and I’ve been grumbling about it to my close friends and family members for the last few months because I just can’t understand how I got here so fast. It’s gratifying to consider how far I’ve come over the years, even while I’m dizzied by the pace. I’ve striven to be present in every moment and absorb the richness of every detail. A plethora of vivid memories fill my mind and range from early childhood to sounds in the middle of last night, and I want to write about them all. Don’t worry, I won’t do so now. Rather, I’ll try to express some things that I hope you find helpful. 

I’ve been intentionally sharing John Wesley quotes over the last few weeks as a way of guiding our discernment and conversations regarding affiliation with the United Methodist Church. I feel it is imperative to drill down to our roots so that we can see whether our denomination is more like the founder’s vision or the things he sought to reform. It’s very important to me because I prayerfully and thoughtfully became a “Methodist” decades ago, and I remember it well. I will not elaborate on it here, but I have to say, at least, that I chose Wesley's way of living in God’s grace, not a convoluted, humanistic institution. My Christian way of life became orderly and purposeful as I learned to work out my salvation with fear and trembling and to seek sanctification with the aid of the Wesleyan way.

You can rightly surmise that I am grateful to C. S. Lewis, too. The quote above accurately describes the journey I’ve been on as the Lord tunes and refines my soul for His holy purposes. I remember emotionally charged prayers for relief from inner turmoil, outward circumstances, and justice. When my Lord answered, He offered a complete solution that requires a lifetime of treatment. Today, I have everything I ever wanted back in those days and none of it came in a moment. A slow, steady progression of spiritual maturity, personal growth, and a thousand savored moments accumulated like gently falling snow. The white blanket of Christ’s grace and provision covers old heartaches, shame, anger, and consequences of impatience. That I can reflect upon those things in this way is another gift of sanctifying grace, and I am grateful.

Yes, I’ve grumbled about turning 60 and most have laughed good-naturedly with me about it. After all, I’m like every other person over a certain threshold who doesn’t see himself in the same way he sees others his age. “I’m not old, but they sure look it,” he might say. I don't feel old and I hope I never do. But, you can’t turn 60 without thinking about retirement. “Retirement!” my mind screams. “Are you kidding!” The relentless realization that my time on earth is shorter than it's ever been and I’m only just coming into the assurance, competence, and holy harmony with the Spirit that I’ve always sought. The grumbling masks an inner feeling of urgency and hope balanced against a lifetime of knowledge and wisdom that informs my fears. While I look forward with joy to the eternal journey’s continuation on the other-side, I am eager to make the most of every moment, hour, day, month and year I have left in me.