Misunderstood

 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. ~ Proverbs 27:6

     The fear of being misunderstood is among my greatest weaknesses. My hypersensitivity is likely worsened by a series of traumatic instances during my most significant developmental periods. There is a kind of distrust wherein one feels that a misunderstanding in a new relationship bumps the trajectory of a potentially fruitful friendship just enough to fuel a series of assumptions that lead to feigned civility and concern. It’s difficult to be friends with someone whose assumptions frame their perception of everything you say or do. In the best-case scenario, the fruitful relationship matures through basic misconceptions and arrives as a rich friendship based on mutual respect and trust. In the worst case, one’s assumptions cause distrust, angst, and endless tension. 
     We instinctively know that interaction with other people is essential for emotional and spiritual well-being. There are very few stories of hermits who lived joyfully alone without human contact. In fact, where such stories are told, mock-human relationships eventually surface as a connection made with an animal or even an inanimate object - consider “Wilson” in the 2000 movie, “Castaway.” It turns out that one’s inner dialogue requires a respondent, and more often than not, the voice needs to counter one’s irrational assumptions so that dangerous delusions don’t set in. 
     The compulsion to seek fruitful, intimate relationships begins in early childhood. We naturally desire acceptance and encouragement from parents, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles, and grandparents. Those relationships framed our social norms, particularly when they generated positive feelings. Conversely, words and deeds that lead to disapproval and pain usually generate resistance and avoidance. This becomes the rubric for assumptions. Assumptions in the relationship realm frequently result in feelings of dread when words and deeds that met with disdain and hurt long ago trigger internal defense mechanisms. Whether it is the behavior of one’s self or of the new acquaintance makes no difference. Once the panic button gets pressed, the emotional roller coaster glides out of the station and starts clicking its way up the hill. Or, one might say, “I don’t do roller coasters” and just walk away from the risk. Walking away can be anything from literal distancing to emotional shut-down.
     Now, I respectfully request your patience and Christian love as I reflect upon the aforementioned dynamics from my perspective. As stated in the first paragraph, I am unnaturally sensitive when it feels like I am being misunderstood. It’s exponentially worsened when wild assumptions about my motives and meanings are so thoroughly ratified in the mind of my critic that I can feel the heat from his or her burning eyes. As one charged with preaching the gospel and administering the sacraments, I regularly witness an array of assumptions and attitudes. I strive to limit the use of certain words, like “sermon” and “preaching,” because they connote negative lectures from hurtful memories. However, I find it impossible to resist the urge to speak truth in love as defined in and by the Bible - Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ (Ephesians 4:15). Grace and discipline are the benchmarks of authentic Christian love. 
      If I could clarify one thing in the minds of all the people I’ve ever attempted to serve within the Church, it would be this: I did it all for love. First, for the love of Christ, my King. Second, because His Spirit drove me to love you. Like you, all the influences common to people in my sphere shaped me. Thankfully, the LORD took hold of my life at a young age and led me through a wide variety of experiences and paradigms that broadened my perspective. Looking back, I can see the LORD’s hand on my life at so many critical moments. The LORD has exponentially increased my capacity for love and courage. 
     So, when I teach from the bible and suggest the implications of the Word, I do not desire to be heard as an authority figure reminiscent of some painful lectures in the past that lead to shut-down or a roller coaster ride. When I lead Christians in the church institution by applying biblical principles and practical wisdom, I hope to be understood as doing so for love’s sake. My greatest hope is that my charges will develop a biblical-Christian worldview. My highest ambition is to bring glory to Christ.