For the LORD your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He knows you're going through this great wilderness. These forty years the LORD your God has been with you. You have lacked nothing.”’ ~ Deuteronomy 2:7
There’s no way to adequately express how much the heartfelt compassion I have received in many forms of get-well wishes and encouragement lately has lifted my spirits. One message insightfully stated, “Our Church was broken years ago through no fault of your own. The Methodist Church is broken, again through no fault of your own. You have helped the healing process in our Church. You are leading us through the transition within the Methodist Church as best you can.” I was grateful as I read that since it helps to know that someone realizes my weariness results from a cumulative effect. Each of my pastoral appointments was to broken churches. The brokenness is nearly always because of poor leadership. In my experience, clergy seldom possess the skills to turn things around. Seeing local churches through the storms and attacks of the Enemy over the last two decades was usually a solitary affair. As I strove to reorient systems and values, there were always persons who felt that I undermined their rank and values. Others who had hoped for such an unseating and the end of oppression privately cheered me on, but publicly sympathized with persons whom they feared. No one had the courage to stand with me to say I was doing the right things, yet all celebrated their victory when the battle ended. Some church people have been unbelievably cruel and incredibly insensitive. When discussing my home, my salary, and my time, they showed little regard for my family’s well-being and my basic need to protect and provide for them. I have often been treated as a soft target whose feelings and needs don’t matter because I am expected to be passive and devoted to everyone else’s needs because I am a pastor. I’ve always fought back so that change could lead to Christ’s glory. The cumulative toll eventually comes due.
Another sentiment expressed recently by a few kind encouragers. “We’re sorry for letting you down” deeply troubles me because I have no right to that role in their life. I do not intend to imply that the flock is accountable for the shepherd’s feelings and their physical manifestations. Here we see that Christ’s enemy is cunning and ruthless as he plays on our weaknesses to make us feel inadequate and ineffective as we strive to be a Christ-centered family. Fixing broken churches is part of my calling and I have no right to feel sorry for myself. Working with unhealthy souls and pushing others toward greater spiritual stamina goes with the territory. Still, making some things better is relatively easy for a person with the right skills. My primary aim, for which I earnestly hope and pray, is that our LORD will bring revival for His Name’s sake ... sometimes I just wonder if I’m not good enough for that part. My weather gauges are the countenances of the present worshipers, and the influx of new ones. The evangelist in me feels such urgency - the LORD is coming soon; He really is!
The Church history class on Wednesday nights reintroduced many significant players in the ongoing drama of the Christian era to me. I enjoyed recalling that I am a little like the great reformer Martin Luther in that we are both anti-establishment-religion and talk too much about it. Like him, I can be too passionate and crave “table-talk” wherein honest, unfiltered conversations generate fruitful critical thinking, but it unsettles people with comfortable traditions and ideologies.
History lauds the outgoing, gregarious people, with strong wills and Type-A personalities who often accomplish great things and also leave collateral damage in their wake. We’ve all benefited from their efforts but are left to deal with incomplete projects and walking wounded who stayed through it all when others became angry, bored, or unfulfilled and then quit. Two of my church appointments involved mitigation of, or cleanup after such hurricane ambition blew through.
I am not an extroverted or autocratic leader and much of what I do seldom gets noticed, which suits me. I enjoy working unnoticed, behind-the-scenes doing strategic planning, motivating and training. Helping others to thrive and succeed in their mission fulfills me. There is often tiredness after I do my leadership in public. However, I am energized by teaching and preaching. It’s a pleasure to enlighten and inspire people. In my experience, charismatic leaders frequently pressure people into joining them in what they are doing and sometimes those people regret it later. I prefer to present intriguing knowledge and ideas and then pray people will respond. It is a harder way to get support but it tends to build stronger bonds.
It must seem strange for a self described introvert and private person to put so much introspection on display. Well, writing is my favorite form of self expression. I like its exactness and permanence. If I change my opinions later, I can jot it down and add it to the body of my written thought, so that a process of critical thinking and growth is apparent (if only to me). The Lord challenged me to be vulnerable and humble when I’d rather be stoic and strong. It seems like sharing with you will help with understanding our shared calling as the Body of Christ in this time and place. I know too well of the detrimental effects rumors and assumptions have. Therefore, writing things down takes away speculation, at least among those who read it. If you want to know something, all you have to do is ask me.
Patrick O'Brien wrote dozens of books about seafarers of the 18th century. My favorites are from the series usually called the Aubrey-Manturin books from which the 2003 feature film “Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World” emerged. Technically, I’m a lubber, but in my imagination I am an explorer-adventurer captain of a sturdy warship like HMS Surprise - You can learn much about leadership from good fiction stories. Reading good literature informs everything in my life, even bible study. Try Stevenson’s “Treasure Island '' for example. Read or hear the unabridged version and don’t settle for one of the good movies. B90 veterans will recognize the biblical parallels throughout the tale.
I’ve long believed that God created Israel for conquest. The people of God set out from captivity in Egypt to take possession of the Promised Land away from God’s enemies. Many weak and faithless people turned back, rebelled, and died along the way. An entire generation died in the wilderness while their successors matured in faith, trained, and prepared for conquering the land God prepared for them. The LORD would go before them and the victory would always be His, but they would faithfully stand in the breach. God made His people for Kingdom conquest; for warships, not cruise ships. The LORD made us for adventure and exploration; risk and reward, not for entertainment and excess; nor to be served, but to serve. Under Christ, we fight the status-quo by being set apart from the world, not like it. We serve the LORD first and then whatever needs be. We still stand in the breach, and the battle still belongs to the Captain of the LORD’s host. His manifesto is the Sermon on the Mount by which our war strategy is executed.
The local church is also meant to be a warship - I like to think of an aircraft carrier, because it regularly launches parts of itself on risky missions. The captain and crew strive to keep her trim and shipshape while managing the crew and dealing with disorder, decay, and disease. Its captain and navigator plot the course toward a destination beyond the horizon. The ship’s conquests include adding to its manifest. It is stressful at the best of times and frustrating amid capricious currents and winds. Battles with the Enemy and foul weather leave the ship and crew wounded and scared, and fatigue accumulates. Increased responsibility naturally produces increased stress. It is both exhilarating and exhausting.
Joshua led God’s people into the Promised Land. An encounter with the Captain of the LORD’s hosts preceded his first major battle. He understood that the battle belongs to the LORD, but God chose him to lead the people in the breach. Joshua was humble and bold. He was obedient and decisive; organized and flexible. Joshua encouraged other leaders and cast a clear vision for the people. He knew who the real enemy was and strove to keep the main thing, the main thing, at all costs. He said, “choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
The COVID-19 storm led to courageous action on deck and perseverance below as unsung heroes plugged holes, pumped bilges, and shifted loads. Shellshocked passengers and crew have grown weary and the captain’s call for “all hands on deck” goes unanswered. He collapses at the wheel, for a time, but does not give up the ship.
OK. It’s a corny metaphor - thanks for indulging my imagination. The truth is, we are not plunging through a stormy sea on a warship, as much as I would wish it. We are actually a remnant people trapped in a wilderness of our own making waiting for the LORD to lead us into the Promised Land. Like Moses, I am a complicated, moody old man who has walked with Christ for a long time and still needs large daily doses of sanctification. I speak recklessly about the powers above me like Martin Luther, and I am a temporary burnout like Elijah. You can help me most by accepting me as I am and staying with me all the way to the Promise.
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